fun stuff

guidelines

Some guidelines for aspiring writers...

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects

2.Prepositions are not words to end sentences with

3.And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction

4.It is wrong to ever split an infinitive

5.Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat)

6.Also, always avoid annoying alliteration

7.Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies

8.Be more or less specific

9.Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary

10.No sentence fragments

11.Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn’t be used

12.Foreign words and phrases are not à propos

13.Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous

14.One should never generalize

15.Comparisons are as bad as clichés

16.Don't use no double negatives

17.Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc

18.One word sentences? Eliminate

19.Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake

20.The passive voice is to be avoided

21.Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas

22.Never use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice

23.Kill all exclamation points!!! 

24.Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them 

25.Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earthshaking ideas

26.Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed

27.Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know”

28.If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively

29.Puns are for children, not from groan readers

30.Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms

31.Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed

32.Who needs rhetorical questions?

33.Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement

And finally...

34.Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.